I’ll never forget the night I said it out loud.
I was 28, sitting across from my therapist, and the words just tumbled out.
“Maybe I’m just too damaged for a healthy relationship.”
He looked at me with such compassion and asked, “Who told you that?”
I opened my mouth to answer and realized… I did. I was telling myself the same story for years.
After my college boyfriend’s betrayal.
An after every failed relationship afterwards that seemed to prove I was simply not cut out for love. I had unconsciously collected all this “evidence” and built an entire belief system around one toxic idea: That I was simply too damaged to be loved.
And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only woman that has felt this way.
If you’ve ever had that same thought even just once, you need to know this:
That belief is a lie.
And it’s probably single biggest thing standing between you and your soulmate.
“I’m Too Damaged” Is Actually Your Ego Protecting You
When we tell ourselves we’re “too damaged” for love, that’s actually our body and mind trying to protect ourselves from what it see’s as a ‘danger’.
The danger of trying again. And potentially going through the same hurt.
We’re also creating a reason for why love hasn’t worked out that puts us in control.
“If I’m too damaged, then it’s not that love rejected me… I’m rejecting it first. If I accept that I’m too broken, then I don’t have to risk being hurt again.”
Your ego is trying to keep you safe.
But honey, it’s also keeping you alone.
You’re not too damaged. You’re simply human like the rest of us.
Every single thing you’ve been through has been preparing you to recognize and receive real love when it arrives.
The Toxic Belief Cycle
The idea that you’re ‘too damaged for love’ ends up creating what we know as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Step 1: You believe you’re too damaged
Step 2: You either avoid relationships entirely OR you attract people who reinforce this belief
Step 3: When things don’t work out, this only further reinforces the idea that you’re not suited for love.
Step 4: The belief gets stronger and the cycle repeats itself.
I lived like this for years.
Every since my first breakup, I would continue to date men who were emotionally unavailable, and when they couldn’t show up for me, I’d think, “Of course. Who could love someone with my past?”
I didn’t realize that I was choosing these men because of my belief. I was unconsciously seeking people who would confirm what I already believed about myself.
Which leads me to the biggest lesson I learned about manifestation and the law of attraction.
The Universe doesn’t give you what you want. It gives you what you believe you deserve.
Where This Belief Actually Comes From
In my work with women, I’ve found that “I’m too damaged” usually stems from one or more of these core wounds:
The Abandonment Wound
Someone important left. A parent, a first love, or a person you trusted completely. Your ego translates this as: “There’s something wrong with me that made them leave.” The more times it happens, the more convinced you become that there’s something wrong with you.
The Betrayal Wound
Someone you loved hurt you deeply. Your ego decided: “I must be fundamentally flawed if someone could do this to me.”
The Shame Wound
You did something you regret, or something was done to you that you blame yourself for. You carry this as proof that you’re “damaged goods.”
The Comparison Wound
You look at other people’s relationships and think: “They don’t have my baggage or my history. No wonder they found love and I haven’t.”
Getting rid of this belief means understanding one important thing.
That none of these wounds mean you’re too damaged.
They are what make you human. They mean you’ve lived.
To experience hurt, disappointment or shame in one’s life is perfectly normal. What this does is give you the depth, empathy, and the capacity for profound love.
Because you know what it’s like to hurt, you’d never do the same to others.
Accepting this fact (and I know this will be difficult for many) is the first step to opening yourself up for a more loving relationship.
The 30-Day Release Process
I’m going to share the exact process I used to release this belief. It took me about 30 days of consistent practice, and it changed everything.
Week 1: Awareness and Compassion
Days 1-3: The Damage Inventory
Get a journal and write down every reason you believe you’re “too damaged.” Be brutally honest. Get it all out.
- Your past relationships
- Your family history
- Your regrets
- Your fears
- Every piece of “evidence” you’ve been carrying
Don’t judge yourself as you write. Just observe.
Days 4-7: The Compassion Reframe
Now, go back through your list. For each item, ask yourself: “If my best friend told me this about themselves, would I think they were too damaged? Or would I have compassion for what they’ve been through?”
Write what you’d tell your best friend next to each item.
This is how you start separating the story from the truth.
Week 2: The Forgiveness Work
Days 8-10: Forgiving Others
Write a letter to everyone who hurt you. You’ll never send these letters—this is for YOU.
Say everything you need to say. Express the anger, the hurt, the disappointment.
Then—and this is the hard part—write one sentence at the end: “I completely and totally forgive you for these actions. I now bless you and gratefully accept this healing of my heart.”
You don’t have to mean it yet. Just write it. You’re planting a seed.
Days 11-14: Forgiving Yourself
This is the most important part.
Write a letter to yourself. Forgive yourself for:
- Staying too long in bad relationships
- Not recognizing red flags
- Betraying yourself by accepting less than you deserved
- Every choice you made from a place of fear or unworthiness
End with: “I completely and totally forgive myself. I was doing the best I could with what I knew at the time. I am worthy of love exactly as I am.”
Read this letter out loud to yourself in the mirror. Yes, really. Do it every day for these four days.
Week 3: Rewiring Your Identity
Days 15-17: The New Story
You’ve been telling yourself “I’m too damaged” for years. It’s time to write a new story.
Write out your new truth:
“I am not damaged. I am a woman who has been through challenges that have made me stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. My past has prepared me to recognize and receive authentic love. Everything I’ve experienced has been leading me to my soulmate.”
Say this out loud twice a day—morning and night. Feel it in your body, even if your mind doesn’t fully believe it yet.
Days 18-21: Evidence Gathering
Your brain has been looking for evidence that you’re damaged. Now we’re going to redirect it.
Each day, write down three pieces of evidence that you are:
- Lovable
- Healing
- Worthy
- Strong
- Resilient
These can be small things: “I was kind to the barista.” “I set a boundary with my mom.” “I went to therapy.” “I smiled at my reflection.”
You’re training your brain to look for different evidence.
Week 4: Embodiment and Action
Days 22-25: The Mirror Work
Stand in front of a mirror twice a day. Look into your own eyes and say:
“I love you. You are not too damaged. You are whole, worthy, and deserving of an incredible love. I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you. I’m here now, and I’m not leaving.”
This will feel awkward. Do it anyway. You’re literally re-parenting yourself.
Days 26-28: The Future Self Meditation
Close your eyes and imagine yourself one year from now. You’re with your soulmate. You’re happy, loved, cherished.
That future you looks back at the you who’s sitting here reading this right now. What does she want to tell you?
Listen. Write it down.
For me, my future self said: “Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for doing the work. He was worth the wait, but more than that—you were worth the healing.”
Days 29-30: The Declaration
On these final two days, I want you to do something bold.
Tell someone you trust: “I’ve been working on releasing the belief that I’m too damaged for love. I’m ready now.”
Say it out loud. Make it real.
Then, do one thing that the “damaged” version of you would never do. Maybe it’s updating your dating profile. Maybe it’s saying yes to a blind date. Maybe it’s simply going to a coffee shop and making eye contact with strangers.
Take one action from your new identity: the woman who is whole and worthy of love.
What Happened When I Released This Belief
About two months after I completed this process, I met James.
But here’s what’s interesting: I had actually seen him around our neighborhood a few times before. He’d been getting coffee at the same shop. He’d been at the same yoga studio.
I had literally been in the same physical space with my soulmate multiple times. But I couldn’t see him—not really—because I was still looking at the world through the lens of “I’m too damaged.”
When I released that belief, it was like scales falling from my eyes. Suddenly I could recognize him. Suddenly I was available for what was trying to come to me all along.
Your soulmate might already be in your orbit. But if you’re walking around believing you’re too damaged to be loved, you’re wearing invisible armor that keeps love out.
The Truth About Your “Damage”
Let me tell you something that nobody tells you:
Your so-called “damage” is actually your depth.
The fact that you’ve been hurt means you have empathy. The fact that you’ve struggled means you have resilience. The fact that you’ve loved and lost means you understand how precious real love is.
The right person—your soulmate—won’t see you as damaged. They’ll see you as someone who has survived, grown, and become more beautiful because of what you’ve been through.
When I told James about my past—the painful breakup, my father leaving, all the things I used to think made me “broken”—you know what he said?
“I love that you’ve lived enough to know what you don’t want. It means you’ll know for sure when you find what you do want.”
He saw my history as wisdom, not damage.
That’s what your soulmate will do too.
Your Only Job Right Now
You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be “healed” from every wound. You don’t have to have it all figured out.
You just have to stop believing you’re too damaged to be loved.
Because that belief is the only thing standing between you and everything you want.
Start the 30-day process today. Not tomorrow. Not when you feel “ready.” Now.
Day 1 is simply this: Write down the belief. “I believe I’m too damaged for love because…”
Get it out of your head and onto paper. Shine a light on it. That’s where the healing begins.
If you’re serious about releasing the beliefs that are blocking your soulmate, I’ve created a free guide that goes even deeper into this inner work. “The 5 Limiting Beliefs Blocking Your Soulmate (And How to Release Them in 30 Days)” includes the exact journal prompts, meditations, and practices I used to shift from “too damaged” to “deeply worthy.” Download it below.
With so much love and belief in your healing,
Anya